Confused

The sun was once clear, with birds chirping in the air. With a sudden change of weather, my mood was totally changed. During campcraft, a smile surfaced on my face. Hope we get into the finals. 3-4 more trainings to go and we can really let go.
Girls’ target: Top 3
Guys’ target: Top 5

As the rain and storm came, I couldn’t go home. With heavy steps, I brought myself up each step of the stairs, hoping to reach the art room in time before they pack up. But it wasn’t of my desire; they were almost ready to go. Marcus Ho came back to visit us though. But what was said made me turn around and walk home. “Why so little sketches? I expected more from you.” This struck me hard on my head. Business was my excuse.

As I paced myself back home, I thought really hard, I am really slacking man. Even Yanjun is doing it with a positive mind; Felicia is the pros of all pros; Yunwen is improving; Hazlinda is good at rendering; and the others have ample time to brush up on their skills. What about me? What in the world am I busy with? So disappointing are you?
Help me Lord. I don’t know what is happening now in my life.

I sure am confused.