神呀，请你永不放手

今天，我深深地感受到恐惧。
不是居高症，而是害怕我生命不再是为神而活了。
我不想在世界上天天过着没安全感。
不想看到自己和家人吵吵闹闹，闹翻天。

感谢神，把我从执迷不悟的生活中叫醒来。

但是神呀，我这脑子容易忘记对你成今做过的每一件承诺。
你能帮我牢牢的记住与提醒我吗？

你用了这首诗歌，打动了我的心。
让我想起我是怎么的伤害了你的心。
因为我嘴没放干净，今天所对爸爸说的一切伤了爸爸的心。
神呀，你也很难过吧？

我知道我的心是很丑落的。
我怎能批评他的过失？我没有资格。
我祷告，我们不会落入少了关怀的态度。
不会因为心烦，不甘愿，发脾气，而忽略你给我们的自我控制。

请你永远永远的捉住我们的手，永不放手。
奉耶稣的名祷告，阿门。


O LORD YOUR TENDERNESS
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrTRxkLfm9U)

O Lord, Your tenderness
Melting all my bitterness
O Lord, I re-ceive Your love
O Lord Your loveliness
Changing all my ugliness

O Lord, I re-ceive Your love
O Lord, I re-ceive Your love
O Lord, I re-ceive Your love

THE Greatest Gift in all my life is loving YOU.

21st December 2011, 9.29pm. I'm on the train heading towards Jurong East. I want to hear from God so badly. Specifically through people. And God knows this best. I love it when people come up to me and encourage me with words from God. I felt as if angels from God touched my heart and led me to tears of joy, leading me to realize time and time again that God is the only one I need. As I looked back, flashes of pictures appeared in my mind today. God did spoke to me. He said remain in me. The world dislikes Jesus, therefore I will face similar people who dislike His word (John 17). Listen to those who are in need, live to serve and not to be served. Be grounded in His word. Love your Daddy as yourself, one fearfully and wonderfully made.

9.41pm, I travelled towards Chua Chu Kang, I see faces of many who do not know the gift of God. All seeking the worldly pleasures - to please themselves or others. A lady reading the newspapers looking exhausted from a day's work; and faces of uncertainties. Walking down the stairs to the LRT, I see others wearing to impress. I thank God for reminding me that "For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truely sanctified." - John 17:19

How can I sanctify myself? That was the burden I had. Being a person of low self esteem, somewhat near the other end of the scale of loving myself, God has set apart my life. He has fearfully (carefully, respectfully, reverantly) and wonderfully made me. I too have to love the people around me whom God created. I remembered my Daddy whom I find it hard to love; and this girl who likes to poke fun at my short comings. I remembered to show them acts of love - all the more doing them acts of service. It was such a timely message, tying in together the previous two training lessons. God is WOW!

BUT tracing back to the question on how to sanctify myself and to love these people who are hard to love, I now have to first make right my relationship with God. LOGOS HOPE is one of the place I could get my devotional materials from. Amazing. Where else should I start searching from? God led me to browse through the books and provided Jacqueline to do some referral. Should I get Christian books for Christmas gifts? What can be better than these? WOAO! Crazy! When did I ever start to think about all these during a season like this? Shouldn't it be all fun and a time of enjoyment?

10.08pm. I'm reaching home soon and I'm thinking about the personal letter that Hwee Chin wrote to me. I thank God once again for sending her to tell me of my shortcomings and had me pondering/ evaluating and smiling because I know God is telling me "Don't be late! God has a better plan for you dear Chelsea."

On my birthday, God loves me the same yesterday, today and forever. He never changes! God is ever present! Thank God for He is Emmanuel. He never short changes me. He is my everything, He is my all - both great and small.

God thought me so many things these past 5 days.. I'm home safely with a compelling vision to spend time in solitude with God and meditating on God's word on the MRT; pray after devotion; and apply God's word. I'm going to get a devotional material for sister and me! :)

Mummy comes out from her room, walks into the kitchen and then towards me to give me something. Yes! It wasn't a cake! It was a mango pudding for me! Amazing Father God who knows my thoughts and heard my soft request even before I thought of it.

Yes! My greatest birthday gift ever is hearing from God Himself.

WHY???

Save me!!! Dear God, save me from this tortourous world... I do not know what I'm studying and I need help. What is my purpose in this course? Why do I not meet datelines? WHY WHY WHY??? I can't do it on my own you know... T~T

to try/accomplish

I suddenly thought of a few things I wana try/accomplish:

1) roller blading

2) understand and be better at basketball (I realised my dribbling sux.)

3) have more fun in poly - cling on to some teachers

4) get gold for cca

5) try ice skating once

6) go to minds cafe with friends - have a freaking whole lot of fun and laughter

7) understand my body through modern dance (enjoy dancing)

8) get myself into more camps/ help out in SP overseas camp

Not thinking now.. Should have more in my list.. Soon..

one and two.

One thing that made me frustrated but two things made me happy.

ONE.

Zhinzha.. Seriously.. This guy is really getting on my nerves. He does need to check himself. I shall not judge him, however the fact that he keeps asking me to cheat the survey really drives me to a point where I am speechless. Doesn't he see that I am going to be responsible for what I am committed to do? This does not mean not being flexible, however, this survey needs to be done in THAT WAY. ALAMAK. nevermind..

TWO.

Two Aunties I surveyed gave me packet drinks and 1 offered me a mini business opportunity. I still remembered, they were Green Tea and Lemon Barley drink. Also, the last house I surveyed had this gentleman in his 20's giving me complete answers for the survey. Seriiiously, his handwriting is the neatess among all the surveyees and he really does it willingly. That made my day. That made me so glad.

12 completed for the residents and 31 for shoppers.

82 to go for residents and 10 for shoppers.

Chelsea zhinzha zhinzha fighting`~!

when there's the moon so high in the sky, I wish I could fly~

You have to read from bottom upwards...!

Having a whole lot of fun.

And that's me and my dramatic sis!

Lovely sister. Lovely art.

My brother came by just in time to see her up the stage. He shared the joy. I had to exchange that entrance ticket for our mooncakes.! yum. Anyway, mei mei went to do some colouring and pencil rubbing, and those are the tiger ears still on the tip of her head.

You will be judged on your creativity and the amount of recycled materials used. You can dress your family member as something that has to do with the mooncake festival. You have 10 minutes.. Oh no! Did we sign up for the wrong competition? What is this? Nobody told me I have to dress her up in 10 minutes?! Should I dress her as a rabbit? A tiger?? Ha-ha.. It was rather fun. Thanks to her friends who helped her such that she managed to get the top 3! She is cat-girl alright! reooow`~ I made the ears and her claws, while Samuel made her long stripped tail, and his Mum did her dressing. Gabriella helped with the taping. And oh! How glad I was that this year was the year of the tiger. It all fit in.. ..

then I listened on for the criteria for judging..

About 6-7 hours ago was really a fantastic day in my mei mei's school. We helped her join a Fancy Dress Competition not even knowing the rules. Thinking that it was some "dress up, cat walk and win!", we quickly settled her name in the form. I tasted the tea, met my sister's friends and thought the day was just going to past by. It was time for the competition. Should I get Lorraine to change to her dress? Is there time to change? Then the emcee started announcing the rules. Each contestants will be given a box of recycled materials to dress up a representative of your family. Please check that you have...

What? Say what?

Thank God, I'm still walking close with Him, reading His word. Two more papers to go and I chose to slack today after the routi-ny days of waking up at 5am, dozing off for another hour or two, studying from dawn to night, and in between breaks to lunch, dinner and the toilet. It's quite a chore because meal time comes by so quickly. It's not like secondary school where I can sit in the canteen for hours, maximising my time and having friends there to do homework with or ask questions. Now, it's all about self survival. Remind yourself or you are done for. Get your own practice papers from online. Find the lecturers, cause they won't come bugging you to check your progress individually. And... there is no P.E. in poly! I want to go jogging, I want to run 2.4km like I did. My stamina has gone down the drain. No one to play basketball in SP.. It's no longer like secondary school where I play basketball almost everyday after school. Staying back until 7plus 8plus in the night. I am so going to Swensens. I mean to play basketball now. Chao.!

I just found this.

I can't believe I wrote a poem about my class back then. I've managed to dig it out from the pass memories of our class blog. It was 3E1 and then 4E1, and then it's gone. Different people took different paths. I regretted not creating more havoc back then. Being the perfectionist, I realised how much I've missed as I've always been termed 'the busy girl'. Well I'm still am. really.. Not sure what I'm so busy with and I guessed that's the reason why I miss out that much from peoples' life around me. I guess again, no investments were made. And even now, in poly, it's about the same. Well sometimes I just have to learn that flawless pictures are not necessary the best looking, being lacked a little here and there with all of them together, that's when the picture stands out much better.

This was the poem.

Intro to our BELOVED 3E1 GANG?

3-E-1, the number one,
We must have heard this from everyone.
What's so special? It's so natural
But oh yeah, it's so fun. It's easier said then done.

It's a gang, full of fun
And it won't make us wana run.
Thanks for those of bubbly voice,
Including those who makes roudy noise.

We will always be satisfied,
And if we leave, we would have cried.
Never fear, cause they are here.
With jokers (I mean rockers),
Who'd make us think we're in a circus.

Overall, you're our all in all.
3-E-1, you're the best of all.
Without the pain, you'll never gain
Like a rainbow that appears after a rain.

So put on your best,
As teachers put us to the test.
We'll always be UNITED
NEVER SEPERATED!!

Hope you know our class's specialty!
Like you enjoy those spa-ghe-er~tti.
It may look easy to break a nut,
Just like people who produce those furds.

But be A PART
And we'll never be APART!
Together we work hard,
Without any 'buts'!

Well... It's not some bombastic poem but sure had some thoughts running through it.

fallen back to the old days.

Pink was all I see recently. My blog, the print ads that I am doing and.. my pinky toes when it's all frosted. I dreamt of Kristen and Hwee Chin last night. Quite silly though.

I've fallen to the back of the pair again. Back to the old days where silence kept up with me. Humph.

taxi/ taxing? comfortable/ un-comfortable?

Felt like writing more. But what to? Nothing much just that I've managed to drill myself into completing at least two print ads today. Sitting on the round chair was comfortable at first, then soon it became uncomfortable when you sink in and your back starts to ache from the hours. It reminds me of one of my Art Paper 2 work where I did an art work on my Daddy as a taxi driver.

It is quite ironic for a cab to say comfort, when the taxi drivers do not get comfortable after driving the long hours. It is taxing on them - their ass gets sore, legs get cramped and backs aches, when all they are entitled to is that small little space as they face the road ahead. Taxi drivers have to maintain that comfort level for customers too - keeping their taxis in tip top condition and dusting the mats even after a hard day's work. Taxi driving is not only physically challenging. It test their minds too. Road maps, signs, short cuts, directions, instructions, buildings... All these are requirements taxi drivers face and have to be knowledgable about as well. And finally, it boils down to the social aspect. Meeting different kind of people daily, having to be able to communicate with strangers needs a lot of courage. Getting to places according to the level of urgency and their needs would be top most priority. Therefore, "taxi driving seemed easy money "- think again.